All of my life, I have been labeled, judged, discriminated against, and ostracized, sometimes even by my own family. And though it has been very painful, I've learned to deal with it. I have tried to hide it, run from it, deny it, and at 60 years of age, don't much care now, who knows it. Some people think that because of this, I'm not worthy of being a Christian because I don't fit their description of what they think a Christian should be. I have a lot of disdain for people who feel they have to proclaim their Christianity, who are supposed to be understanding, loving and forgiving, yet are not. Hypocrites, I call them. This is the main reason why my hackles go up whenever I hear or see someone claiming that "I'M A CHRISTIAN'....yeah right. You have to proclaim it because otherwise people wouldn't be able to tell. A psychiatrist once told me that I was depressed because I was more intelligent than most, something I tended to doubt because of all the poor decisions I've made over the course of my life. I told him it was because I see the injustices and evil all around me and it distressed me, while less intelligent people seem to simple coast through life, oblivious to it all. I have pushed people away, especially those I held close without knowing the reason why. Many of you know me, to varying degrees, some aware and some not. Some know of my family history and some don't, but to those who do, you may not know the why's of it all. Well this is why.
Another thing about me....I don't own a gun. I never have, and I never will. There are people alive today who might not be, had I owned a gun (a danger that I recognized early in my illness). I am not against gun ownership, and don't advocate anyone taking guns away, BUT guns shouldn't be allowed into the hands of people with mental illnesses, or criminals, or anyone who refuses to be a responsible gun owner. So many people are uneducated about what the purpose of the 2nd amendment really was, and why it was written. Christians wanting to own guns for sport killing is such an oxymoron to me. Do they think honestly that Jesus would own guns? How perverted is that? It's been pointed out to me recently that Christians are being persecuted in the United States because they think others want to take their guns away. Really??? When was the last time you saw the government hanging people from street posts because they were Christians, or burning them at the stake on the courthouse steps because of their religion? They (Christians) stood idly by and refused to help 6 million Jews who perished during WWII...And how about those Christian Papists who aided the Nazis by hiding them from justice? How "Christian" was that? People need to rethink just what persecution really is......and get over themselves.
In closing, I just want to say, that over the span of my life I have known true Christians. Not by their self proclamations, but by their actions and deeds, and I know that their intent is pure. Their opinions and advice are those that I really respect and cherish. They are not guided by the false teachings of man, but by the true teachings of God. I will continue to look to them for inspiration and hope. Unfortunately though, they are few and far between.
I expect some of those reading this to be surprised, and maybe others not so surprised. I do expect also to lose friends after they read this...but que sera sera. I needed to vent, and I needed to share. I am so exhausted with it all.
