Something I need to share...

This may come as a surprise to some,...but I suffer from mental illness.  I also suffer from chronic depression.  I have been hospitalized before and spent considerable time trying to understand this disease and how to deal with it...sometimes with very little success.  It affects every aspect of my life.  I purposely chose not to establish a family because I want this curse to end with me. Some days I wish that I just wouldn't wake up, and if it weren't for the responsibility I feel towards the cats I care for, maybe I wouldn't.  I honestly have to say that caring for them is the main reason I am still here today

All of my life, I have been labeled, judged, discriminated against, and ostracized, sometimes even by my own family.  And though it has been very painful, I've learned to deal with it.  I have tried to hide it, run from it, deny it, and at 60 years of age, don't much care now, who knows it.  Some people think that because of this, I'm not worthy of being a Christian because I don't fit their description of what they think a Christian should be. I have a lot of disdain for people who feel they have to proclaim their Christianity, who are supposed to be understanding, loving and forgiving, yet are not.  Hypocrites, I call them.  This is the main reason why my hackles go up whenever I hear or see someone claiming that "I'M A CHRISTIAN'....yeah right.  You have to proclaim it because otherwise people wouldn't be able to tell.  A psychiatrist once told me that I was depressed because I was more intelligent than most, something I tended to doubt because of all the poor decisions I've made over the course of my life. I told him it was because I see the injustices and evil all around me and it distressed me, while less intelligent people seem to simple coast through life, oblivious to it all.  I have pushed people away, especially those I held close without knowing the reason why.   Many of you know me, to varying degrees, some aware and some not. Some know of my family history and some don't, but to those who do, you may not know the why's of it all.  Well this is why.  

Another thing about me....I don't own a gun.  I never have, and I never will.  There are people alive today who might not be, had I owned a gun (a danger that I recognized early in my illness).  I am not against gun ownership, and don't advocate anyone taking guns away, BUT guns shouldn't be allowed into the hands of people with mental illnesses, or criminals, or anyone who refuses to be a responsible gun owner.  So many people are uneducated about what the purpose of the 2nd amendment really was, and why it was written.  Christians wanting to own guns for sport killing is such an oxymoron to me. Do they think honestly that Jesus would own guns?  How perverted is that?  It's been pointed out to me recently that Christians are being persecuted in the United States because they think others want to take their guns away.  Really???  When was the last time you saw the government hanging people from street posts because they were Christians, or burning them at the stake on the courthouse steps because of their religion?  They (Christians) stood idly by and refused to help 6 million Jews who perished during WWII...And how about those Christian Papists who aided the Nazis by hiding them from justice?  How "Christian" was that?  People need to rethink just what persecution really is......and get over themselves. 

In closing, I just want to say, that over the span of my life I have known true Christians.  Not by their self proclamations, but by their actions and deeds, and I know that their intent is pure.  Their opinions and advice are those that I really respect and cherish.  They are not guided by the false teachings of man, but by the true teachings of God.  I will continue to look to them for inspiration and hope.  Unfortunately though, they are few and far between.

I expect some of those reading this to be surprised, and maybe others not so surprised.  I do expect also to lose  friends after they read this...but que sera sera. I needed to vent, and I needed to share.  I am so exhausted with it all.

My Thoughts and opinion of today's news

I wanted to take a minute and express my thoughts on some of the changes happening in our country today.  I didn't want to facebook this as many don't really want to see so much of that.  However this is MY blog, for my thoughts, and well....here they are.

One belief I that have in my life, is that we, as human beings, were all created with the Power of Choice.  Every one of us, throughout our lives will make good choices, and bad choices, but it was the ability to make those choices that was given to mankind by God intentionally at the point of creation. I may not like the choices others make, I may even find them morally reprehensible,(i.e. abortion) even when society seems to accept them.     However, I don't believe that God ever gave me, ANY right to infringe on another's ability to make those choices, be they good OR bad.  For in the end, I believe that I will only be held accountable for those choices that I have chosen to make.  One religion that I am familiar with, (and I won't name them), as I was raised in their church, and attended their schools, says that we have a responsibility to go into the world and be a witness to others, to "preach" the gospel unto all the world.  However while I agree with that premise, I disagree strongly with how it's sometimes carried out.  Too much emphasis is placed on the preaching part, rather than by being an example of what God wants us to be.  For me, being a witness means that I should try to live my life in a manner that exposes what I believe to others.  And when, if queried,  I will happily "share" (what I interpret as "preaching") my experience with God, and the wonderful things he has to offer.  Too often, too many Christians, in subtle, and not so subtle ways, try to bully their fellow man into making choices that they believe to be the righteous ones.  Whenever I hear someone say "Well,  I'M a Christian", I think to myself..."If you really ARE a Christian, you wouldn't have to tell anyone...it would be so clearly evident".  God is so much different that what many would have you believe.  He is a God of Love, not Hate, of inclusion, not division.  People should stop worrying about the sins that they perceive others of committing, and worry instead, about the sins that they themselves commit.  If that were to happen, this world would be a very different place.  I even think Jesus said something along those lines in a story about eyes and motes.  I just wanted to share that I think, that if you truly want to live in a country where everyone should be treated equally, and I mean EVERYONE, then you need to quit bitching when Equality wins.  Our Constitution clearly states that "ALL men are created equal".  I mean, Life, is not fair, but I think that we have an obligation to try and make it fair, when we can, regardless of anyone's religion.  To me, what many Christians do in the name of Christ, is not very Christ-like at all.  Please feel free to leave your comments, or opinions.

BIGOTRY

And this is all I'm going to say on the subject:

It's sometimes hard to imagine that we all inhabit a place that looks like this from space.  This earth, filled with multitudes of people.  I call upon things learned in school, (I am a product of parochial education), and much learned then, is still with me today.  I often ponder what it might be like if there was no hatred in the world.  Hate is a feeling that has caused wars, genocides, massacres, etc.  We all are instilled with this ability to hate, and we use that ability to varying degrees each and every day of our lives.  Whether it's "hating" to get up in the morning, or "hating" a long drive, "hating" a certain food, to maybe even just "hating" hate.  I really struggle hard to contain the temptation to hate something.  But what would it be like to not hate anything at all....I mean I sometimes think that I'll always hate something.  So I'm going to try a little experiment, The next time I tell myself that I hate doing something etc, I'm going to consciously try to change my own opinion about it.  I know this sounds kind of crazy, but I think a debate of this sort is indicative of an elevated intellect..lol.  Maybe my analysis will determine that I should just be a more chill kind of person, and not sweat the small stuff.  We'll have to see.

What's Next???

Every day I like to peruse news stories from various sources, and I came across this one here.  Now...I'm not a watcher of shows like "Honey Boo Boo, "Sister Wives", or this one "19 Kids and Counting",,,,they just don't have anything in them that I find of interest. 

But....I'm so sick and tired of THESE kinds of shows that try to promote their self-righteous, misguided agendas, such as polygamy, over-procreation, or hatred against people because they are different, and it's especially sickening to find that they are so hypocritical.

On this show, the oldest son of 19 children, is an admitted pedophile, who feels that his actions should be excused with an apology???.  In 2003 he evidently was taken by his father "Jim Bob" (his father) and some "church elders", to a law enforcement official who did nothing more than give him a 'stern talking to'  because HE (an Arkansas State Trooper) was into child pornography himself.(He was later arrested, found guilty and is now in prison).  That Josh Duggar can't NOW be prosecuted because of a statute of limitations is incredible.
For the whole story here's the link.   Click here to Open in a new window

I am once again going to try to keep a blog.  I will, as usual, be sharing things that are important to me.  Some of it will be fun, some will be serious, but mostly I hope to just share things that for some reason or other I find interesting.  Some of my interests/observations won't be shared by some of you, but at least this blog will give you a sense of what kind of person I am...or rather the kind of person I've grown into.




Amazing....Isn't it.

Cherry Blossom dawn,  Washington D.C.